


Pirate!AU

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [18]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirates, Cas is a Perv, Crack, Crossdressing, Drabble, Historical Inaccuracy, Humor, M/M, Oral Sex, Sexual Slavery, Talking with your Mouth Full
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 16:04:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam would like you to know that 'cockswain' does not actually mean 'person who tends to your cock.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pirate!AU

**Author's Note:**

> This was extensively researched. And by that, I mean that my beta was profoundly embarrassed by my attempts to verify Sam's last line using various fruit.

**Dean:** Cockswain! Get yeh down ta the mess, an’ ask Gabriel what’s fer grub tonight! I’m hungry as a hempen’ halter!

**Sam:** You do know that ‘cockswain’ does not actually mean ‘person who tends to your cock,’ right?

**Dean:** Why ye mutinous cur! Hold yer peace, ye lily-livered landlubber, before I send yeh on a trip ta meet Davy Jones! As it is, yer gonna owe me a good deck-swabbin’. What say yeh?

**Sam:** Sorry.

*Dean looks expectant*

**Sam:** I’m sorry, oh Dread Pirate Dean, Captain of the Impala, Most Fearsome and Badass Ship on the Seven Seas.

**Dean:** Damn straight. Now get down to the mess, ye swine. I’ll be waitin’ for yeh on the poop deck.

*Dean sniggers*

**Sam:** What are you? Five?

**Dean:** More like nine or ten. Inches. Now if we’re talkin’ metric….

**Sam:** Aaaaand, I’m off.

* a while later*

**Gabriel:** Ahoy there, oh Dread Pirate Dean, Captain of the Impala, Most Fearsome and Badass Ship on the Seven Seas!

**Dean:** Avast! What brings yeh here, matey?

**Gabriel:** I’ll tell yeh, Cap’n, sir. Yer cabin boy here…

**Dean:** I’m callin’ him my cockswain today.

**Sam:** That’s not what that…

**Gabriel:** Jolly good. Yer cockswain came inta me mess, asking ‘bout tonight’s grub, an’ as I was just finishin’ yer portion, I figured I’d bring it up to the poop deck for yeh.

*Dean and Gabriel snigger*

**Sam:** What are you? Five?

**Dean:** Quiet, you scurvy dog! Don’t be speakin’ unless yer spoken to. Do yeh think yer here for yer own amusement?

**Sam:** No sir.

*Dean looks expectant*

**Sam:** No, oh Dread Pirate Dean, Captain of the Impala, Most Fearsome and Badass Ship on the Seven Seas, sir.

**Dean:** Damn straight. Yer here for my amusement. Now, use that mouth fer something useful, and shiver me timber!

*Sam makes a put-upon face, then begins undoing Dean’s pants.*

**Dean:** Much better. So, what’s for dinner? I’m sick o’ hardtack an’ grog.

**Gabriel:** Lucky fer yer Cap’nship we commandeered that shipment o’ beef the other day. I made burgers!

**Castiel:** I love burgers! They make me very happy! Arrrrrrr!

**Gabriel:** Is that…?

**Castiel:** …rrrrrrr…

**Dean:** The hostage we took with the beef. Yeah.

**Castiel:** ….rrrrg.

**Gabriel:** I thought we were giving her back after…

**Dean:** Yeah, but she refuses to leave. Something about a gimp suit. And, it turns out, the feminine pronoun is used only in the broadest possible sense.

**Gabriel:** Ah. Well then, she should fit in well with the rest of the crew.

**Dean:** Yeah. I’ll have Uriel show her around the drag bunks when she finishes her watch.

**Gabriel:** Yeah. And I’m sure Sam here will be willing to set her up a hammock.

**Dean:** I’ll get him to give her the tour, too. He’s good at making people feel comfortable. That okay, Sammy?

**Sam:** Hyeth.

*Dean looks down expectantly*

**Sam:** Hyeth, og Head Hiathe Heam, Hapthain of hhe Himthaha, Hoth Hearthome ahn Paddath Thip ohg hhe Hethen Heees.

**Dean:** Damn straight! Now, let’s weigh anchor an’ make sail fer the Spanish Main! I hear they just minted a new doubloon.

**Castiel:** Arrrrr!


End file.
